So I'm looking for jobs, ish. And the stress of doing case studies, website and presentation slides got to me and my head wanted to explode. A friend sent over their photo and asked me to draw them and it somehow spiralled into a series. So during the day, I worked on my hire-me kit, and at night, I drew people's faces so my brain would shut it.
It took me a long time to finally do this "drawing" thing again. There was the typical fear of "I suck bad" and you know what, I did suck, and probably still do. But I forgot that there would also be the joy that came with sucking just a little bit less than yesterday..
Drawing is a lesson in trusting the process, and I truly enjoy the revelation at the end when the strokes come together to form the final piece, a familiar face, a smile, a thought, a feeling. Good things take time.
That being said, there wasn't a process to begin with, then pieces after pieces, I found my favorite lines, favorite brushes, favorite ways to draw hair, to draw shirts, to shape a face and finally a favorite color palette. What didn't work got chipped away, and in their place, newer, and sometimes better ways to do things.
Some of my old drawing habits came back, I've always wanted to try more abstract illustrations but my hyper realistic tendency took over and what came of it was a point in time, a mixture of where I was, and where I want to go.
Having a small sense of progress makes everything else feel better. Seeing the improvements drawing after drawing helped me get through the anxiety of putting together my portfolio (and spiraling down the trap of impostor syndrome).
I still love doing things for other people (so muchhh), especially the people I love. I was offered some moolah to draw but money makes a lot of things less enjoyable. I just didn't want to lose a bit more of what I hold close to the hustling and gettin' rich business. (PRIVILEGED I KNOW)
See the rest of the series here: https://www.instagram.com/zoey.draws/
Find me at www.zoeydraws.co or check out other journal entries.