Diversify / Apologies for the late reply

Was it my therapist, or Jonathan Van Ness of Queer Eye that said you gotta diversify your me time, self care toolkit, so that when one fails you have others to rely on?

It doesn’t matter who I guess, but I’ve been thinking about that lately because I’m hyped about this newly formed enthusiasm about going on walks. It’s been a couple of weeks of walking and I’ve been deeply happy which has been rare these last years. But lurking in the back of my head is the worry that if this fails, I’ll go back to feeling awful.

So diversify it is.

I’ve got books again, and friends (though slowly and carefully, like Shirley said, err-ing on the side of having too much free time instead of filling up my days), and all the hikes. Surprisingly, at this age, housework gives me a decent amount of joy. Folding socks is oddly satisfying. Thrifting and fixing up clothes is treasure hunting and learning to love my body again and again (because damn it everything tells you not to). I may even attempt to draw again. The little things I suppose, that make up my whole world, a funky shaped roof to shelter me from this mood-swing weather.

One thing I know though, is that these intentional, do-it-for-me lil acts, make space for a true quietude I’ve somehow long forgotten.

So if I’ve been a little late at replying to you, or a little hesitant to hang out, I’m just in the middle of something small and insignificant, but all mine. We’ll meet some day I know, on days when enough of me is present.

For now, I’m reading Tokyo Ueno Station, about a life of poverty, a ghost lost in the past, unable to have a future.

Wherever you are, I hope you also have restful nights.

• Zoey‌

Find me at www.zoeydraws.co or check out other journal entries.